Tim Hortons

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I have to admit it right here and now... I am totally intimidated by Tim Hortons.

Don't get me wrong--I love Tim Hortons. I'm a Dunkin' Donuts girl, but who wouldn't love Tim Hortons? I don't drink coffee, but I'm a huge fan of donuts, and I've never heard of anything more perfect than a combo that includes a sandwich with a donut on the side. I like tea. I like hot chocolate. And Timbits give Munchkins a decent run for their money. But the drive-thru at Tim Hortons is the most intimidating drive-thru I've ever encountered. I think there may be some kind of secret ordering protocol that I'm not permitted to know about since I'm an American. If you've ever seen the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld you know what I'm talking about.

Here are a few things I've learned about Tim Hortons in 4 short months:

1 - Canadians will often refer to a coffee from Tim Hortons as a 'timmies' or 'tims', and you shouldn't feel bad if it takes you several weeks to figure this out.
2 - A 'double-double' refers to a coffee with two creams and two sugars, however, you will not find that term on a menu.
3 - Timbits come in boxes of 10, 20, or 40. If you are stupid enough to ask for a dozen Timbits you will be either laughed at or treated as though you are the dumbest person to ever enter the drive-thru.
4 - You will also be ridiculed if you don't know what your donut choices are ahead of time and happen to ask for them to be listed. Don't expect them to be listed on the drive-thru menu.
5 - Don't ask for a chocolate frosted donut. They call them 'chocolate dip' and will be thoroughly confused if you ask for a frosted donut.
6 - Prepare to be one of at least 6 cars in the drive-thru line during non-rush hours, and prepare to be one of at least 12 cars in the drive-thru at rush hour.
7 - There are at least 30 Tim Hortons locations in the St. John's area. This is impressive as the population of the St. John's metro area is only about 180,000. There's a Tim Hortons on practically every corner, but you will still always be one of at least 6 cars in the drive-thru.
8 - Do not go to Tim Hortons any later than 7 p.m. for soup unless you really like the mushroom soup. That's all I'm going to say.